Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
