Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize