I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
