Can Purell be used as lube?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
