Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
