Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
