i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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