Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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