hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
