it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
