I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
