This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
