yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
