Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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