I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
