Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize