you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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