You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I currently don't understand fingers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
