last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
