I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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