dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i dont even know how to be here
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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