I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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