ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
