is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
