I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
