I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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