yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize