Pants 0. Shit 1.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
