i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
