If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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