Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
