Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize