think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
