Ambien. No doubt about it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
