i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have fence marks all over my body
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
