entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
