i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
