I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
