Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize