Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
