the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I could fuck to npr.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize