lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
