I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
