If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
