Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
