I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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