so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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