do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
