yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
