I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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