Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
