once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
