you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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