Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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