Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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