Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
