Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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