Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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