I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
