A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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