Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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