Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He better not be in your backpack
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
