farters have to be the big spoon...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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