my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
