WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
