and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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