Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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