I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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