stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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