great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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