why do cheetos always look like penises
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
