She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she smelled like a LAN party
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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