my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
