i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
