Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
