You smell like stripper and shame
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
