The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize