I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
