He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
