I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
