I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
