I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
