She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
