Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
17 year olds will be the death of me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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