no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
