I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We got so high we made milksteak
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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