I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
