the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You're breaking my sexual little heart
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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