How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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