This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
