So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
