Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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