She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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