i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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