there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
