Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just sent this text using only my big toe
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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