How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
