is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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