I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
