when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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