and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
