i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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