She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize