i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
