I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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