she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
