mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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