Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
