I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
